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grandmamichelf 08-19-2013 05:34 PM

This is really difficult to write
I'm so worried and scared. Our second oldest son, Mando, moved home from NY. He lost his job over a year ago and then broke up with his boyfriend of five years. When he came home he was depressed and that was understandable but he had plans and was putting out job applications. His old job promised to hire him back but that hasn't happened yet.

Here's the part that's scaring me: He doesn't get out of bed. He sleeps the day away and is up at night but then goes to sleep. He was calling me in the middle of the night from his room down the hall to see when I was coming home from work. He told his sister-in-law that his father and sister went to a concert and came home at 4am only to go downstairs and play the drums. It kept him awake. He also told her that for his birthday we went out to eat and our older son was with us (he wasn't.) He woke us up the other night at 1am to tell us he was going to go to volleyball tryouts. When I questioned him about doing that in the middle of the night he told me not to be ridiculous.

At one point he called me at work and told me that Alex (his old boyfriend) worked downtown at the Old Market and commuted by subway from New Jersey to Omaha. He wanted to invite him to the barbecue we were having and I couldn't get him to realize that NJ is not next door to Nebraska. His brother talked to him and he said the same thing to his brother.

We got him to go outside for 15 minutes to play badminton in the front yard. At one point he lost his balance and fell down scaring the shit of his father and me. He shuffles like an old man but he's only 36. He doesn't shower. He doesn't clean his room unless I rag on him and I really try not to do that. He wonders why I start to cry when I tell him he is worth the world to me and I'm not going to stand by and watch him disintegrate like this.

He just came in with one shoe on and told me he was going to go to the gym we always go to and talk to the people there. I asked him what gym and he said downstairs. Since there are no people down there, I'm wondering who he plans to talk to. I told him to walk to the end of the block and back just toget some strength back.

I am so scared. I have an appointment with our family doctor on Thursday. Armando has no insurance although he keeps telling me he has an insurance card so yes he does. He calls me at work to talk to me but I'm so busy I don't have time to give him the attention I know he needs. He called me after I told him I would try to find him help with a counselor because he thought I was going to have him put in a mental hospital.

I know the signs of severe depression but this seems physical as well. Is he suffering from dementia now? Am I losing my child? His father and sister have already talked to our doctor and she gave them some information but when those two go to the doctor, one doesn't understand and one doesn't remember so I'm just going to go find out myself.

I don't know what else it could be. Could this be signs of HIV, early Alzheimer's? Or is his depression so severe that this is what is happening? I know if he doesn't get up and move about his muscles will weaken and his brain will start short circuiting.

I am afraid for my child.

grandmamichelf 08-19-2013 05:36 PM

I'm also going to talk to my boss who is a wonderful man. Maybe he can help me figure out where to go. He can certainly find out if my EAP will allow me to get some type of counseling help for someone with no job and no insurance.

19wingz 08-19-2013 05:58 PM

First of all, Grandma - Hugs to you for writing this like the strong woman I know you are. Putting this out here for us is not easy and I commend you.

Second, I think the fact that you have an appointment is wonderful. I am glad to hear that you will be seeing the family doctor to discuss this. I think you need to bring all of these points up, as well as have a timeline of how things have progressed (when it all started, etc) so that they can better sift things through.

This could be a number of things. Based on what I know and from what you've said, it is more than likely a manifestation from his depression. It sounds as if that is very severe and will cause symptoms like this in the long run. Is he on any medication? There may be a number of ways to help him with his depression. This also could be manifested by something neurological, but that's very hard to say and less likely in my eyes. But they will probably test neuro function here and go from there.

HIV? Well, yes that can manifest with severe brain response like this, BUT it typically isn't the only thing you will see. So I am not leaning in this direction.

First and foremost, he needs support and I know he has that, so that already is a huge thing, even though you may not be able to see the outcome from that. Please, please keep us updated after you see the doc.

Mystycl 08-19-2013 06:50 PM

a friend of mine did very similar things, and was diagnosed as 'manic depressive'?
not sure thats spelled properly.... we all thought she was faking for the attention cause that is the kind of person she was... when she went to the dr, we all felt about 2 inches tall.... it was very serious... she started hurting herself. it got REALLY bad before her family finally took her in... i'm glad yall are going now!!!
michele, i commend you as well... i dotn think i would have the patience to deal with it...
my prayers are with you all :pray:

Sheldon 08-19-2013 06:56 PM

I'm sorry to hear this, Grandma! I'll keep you in my thoughts and please keep us updated! We all care about you, and it breaks my heart to hear about any one of our Yak Family that's hurting. I hope the doctor can help shed some light on this and your son can get better!

19wingz 08-19-2013 07:06 PM

I don't know if this is manic depressive...not too much mania going on here, but there are very specific diagnostic criteria. A full, formal eval will shed more light than my speculation.

Tina 08-19-2013 07:15 PM

Oh grandma I am thinking of you and praying for you and Mando. I know you must be so scared as I would be. You're doing what is best getting him to the doctor as quick as possible so he can get a diagnosis and the treatment he needs.
Hugs and Kisses xoxo

Cathy 08-19-2013 07:30 PM

Grandma, I can only imagine what you are going through. As a mother I would be terrified of what was going on. As everyone else has said, I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

grandmamichelf 08-19-2013 07:39 PM

Isn't manic depressive actually bipolar disorder? My niece has that but I don't think she was diagnosed when she was much younger.

I'm the type of person who goes on the web and looks up all kinds of shit to try and figure it out. What I've read about depression (and the commercials I've seen) kinda point me in that direction. I knew it couldn't really be HIV but you can never be sure.

I will definitely let you know. I'm really starting to believe that my own stomach problems (because I've had IBS for years) have been a result of the worry and anxiety I am feeling over my son and what is happening with him.

He takes no medication whatsoever except for a Tylenol every once in a while. He talked his sister into going to downstairs to try and work out. He missed the bottom step trying to skip two (he has long legs) and fell on his butt, jarring his back a little.

My poor husband. He's at home with Lexi and Mando. But I'm going to say this: Lexi is starting to rise to the occasion. She yells at her brother to get up and get stuff for himself. She tells him she loves him and he needs to stop worrying her. She also tells him that she's the one that is disabled and he's taking all the attention away from her (she's joking and laughing when she says that because these two have always been close).

Our oldest son and daughter-in-law said to take him to the ER because they couldn't turn him away. But I think my approach is going to be the best way.

It took a lot for me to write that out because as a southern woman you just don't want to air stuff like that. But I don't like feeling alone and I knew that ya'll would rise to the occasion as you always do. That's why I love ya'll so much.

Tina 08-19-2013 07:45 PM

Grandma is there any indication that this started before he became depressed? Could it be part of the reason for his breakup with his ex and his losing his job? Is there a way for you to talk to his ex and see if this started before? Seems like something the Dr. might need to know. Just a thought. And yes, as far as I know manic/depression is now called bipolar disorder. Don't know if there is an age thing on onset but I do know about some celebrities that got it later in life like that what's her name actress that used to be with Ellen Degeneres years ago. Anyway hang in there!!!!!

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