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Old 10-14-2012, 05:34 PM   #1
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Default Dealing with Matchmakers...any advice....

Hey Ya'll

I need some advice on how to deal with matchmakers. As most of you know I am 25 an assistant teacher and well single. I have been single most of my life. Yes I have never had a boyfriend. I have went on one blind date in my life and it was horrible. I didn't date in high school because I was dealing with health problems due to my mild form of cerebral palsy. I didn't date in college because I was too focused on school. And l have intimadated boys and some men because they look at me and see imperfection. I am saying all that to say this.

My sister is getting married in May. I will be her Maid of Honor. Well my grandmother has already started with matchmaking. A few weeks ago at revival at my church my granma decided to tell me that I should date the visiting song leader (who is also a preacher). I was appalled...first of all I didn't go to revival to get a man. Sorry but that is not me. Well tonight she decided to bring it up again in FRONT of the whole CHURCH! I was mortified! The worst thing could happen was that another lady who I am very close to agreed with her! I didn't know what to do.

I haven't always had the best relationship with my grandma. She wasn't really there for me growing up and now she is the only one that I have left.

what can I do to make her see that I will date when I am ready and it will be with the one that God has for me to marry.


ADVICE PLEASE THANKS
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Old 10-14-2012, 05:39 PM   #2
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Yikes! To bring it up in front of the whole church seems much to me, too, especially with how personal it is for you. She's probably doing what she thinks a grandma should do, but still. I would talk to her about it - be honest. Even if you aren't close, that's something you want to bring up. If she feels like someone might be a good fit, you can tell her you're entertain the suggestion and thank her for thinking of you, but the rest and how you proceed is your call. She should know that.
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Old 10-14-2012, 05:48 PM   #3
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my mamaw (my mom's mom) used to tell me that I needed a friend that never bothered me because I knew that she wanted me to have what she had (70 years of marriage).


The thing is I did talk to my granma after the first time and she said that she was teasing and wouldn't do it again. But she did anyway. It just frustrates me because the pastor (song leader) that she was refering to is friends with my pastor and his wife and my pastor's wife was sitting there the whole time and she said that he was my age. I know she was just teasing but I don't want it to get back to the guy what is being said because that would be so awkward because he is supposed to conduct a bible study at my church in January
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Old 10-14-2012, 06:02 PM   #4
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Tell her you're a lesbian. That oughta do it LOL

Yeah, just kidding, although...

I agree with Wingz. It's time to have a serious chat. It's too bad too because what if one of the dudes she tried to set you up with you actually liked... you won't, because of how it all started. Tell her things will happen naturally and stop pushing. Tell her you will NEVER date someone you are set up with, ever, and to leave it alone.
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Old 10-15-2012, 07:12 AM   #5
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People tend to think that what they have is best and try to force it upon others. She just wants to see you happy, and thought that by you not having someone for 25 years that you aren't happy. That being said, as Wingz and KDD said, you need talk to her and erect a boundary.

You could see what the guy is like though, when you have your Bible study group. You never know why things occur in life.

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Old 10-15-2012, 07:52 AM   #6
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Yeah I will talk to her again. When the guy came back last January for a bible study a lady decided to tell my mom that she thought that the guy and me would be a good fit. It is just I have never seen myself.as being a person who could date or marry a pastor. I dont know if I could handle that pressure
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Old 10-15-2012, 08:21 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissSouthernLady View Post
Yeah I will talk to her again. When the guy came back last January for a bible study a lady decided to tell my mom that she thought that the guy and me would be a good fit. It is just I have never seen myself.as being a person who could date or marry a pastor. I dont know if I could handle that pressure
I've often found that the only limitations in my life are those that I set for myself. You never know. Closing yourself off to opportunity doesn't work. Take risks, make mistakes, and live life. Pressure makes diamonds, and look how beautiful I am. All kidding aside, the only pressure you apply in your love life is from yourself. Exogenous forces don't exist unless you allow them in.
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Old 10-15-2012, 12:02 PM   #8
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Thanks Sphinx I needed to hear that
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Old 06-18-2013, 02:13 PM   #9
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Wow just came across this thread! Its funny how now the guy that I was talking about in this thread is now dating my best friend of 20 years. Funny how life works. It was like 3 months after this that I decided to join eharmony and met my "friend". I guess it was all in God's timing. I must say that I am a lot happier now than I was then
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Old 06-18-2013, 05:27 PM   #10
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It is all in God's hands....and Zach that was excellent advice
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