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Old 01-18-2015, 08:24 PM   #1
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Default Boys. SMH.

For some odd reason - and I think there's a sublayer to this - this situation from last night is driving me absolutely mad hatter today.

I was "dating" a guy for a couple of months. I hadn't really been talking to him since New Year's. It was a shitshow for awhile, but he texted me randomly yesterday and was like "Do you want to come with me to my friend's birthday party tonight?" I was like, 'you can only bitch about the risks you took and failed...' so I went. Which it was a perfectly lovely time, we went to the bar after, where I decided I'd drink my weight in rum. Dancing, drinking, I was on the bar dancing to bootylicious, amongst other songs. You catch the drift of my night. Total shitshow, but I was a total blast in a glass.

I've been accused - and rightfully so - of being extremely gruff with guys. So, at certain times, I'd see him get overly flirtatious with other guys and stuff and had to bite my tongue and actions. He found some guy he was clearly interested in, and the guy was all over him. I kept in line with my "don't do something brash or dramatic." Then the guy grabbed his dick and the guy I was with put his hand between his ass cheeks - outside.

I did what every red-head would do.

I saw red, made a nanosecond decision to not blow my gasket, and instead decided to leave. I went to coatcheck and told him, "Look I'm gonna go, like do you wanna come with me?" "no, I'm gonna stay. I won't be here much longer." I left. At this point I was scathing and drunk and I finally popped off. I believe I told him that I found it to be "disrespectful, rude, and downright inappropriate." Summated with a blow to myself saying, "I feel stupid." He apologized, said he was drunk, I passed out (after I took the train in the wrong direction, and had to take a cab home...cabbie stopped the meter when he saw the distress I was in.) Woke up this morning to him claiming I was texting boys that wanted to see me, so we were even.

You'd think I'd have read the riot act after that. I did not, instead I simply stated, "Yes, I was texting my best friends who were texting me." Zero response. And I'm grateful there wasn't one, because there's nothing left to be said.

Now, the actual predicament I'm in is that I feel like absolute garbage today. Not hungover - I can battle physical manifestations of distress. I mean I actively tried, and won - with exception to vocalizing my feelings - against my temper when I should've gone bad girl's club and thrown a drink in his face. Still nothing good comes from it. Every fucking guy I date is basically a piece of shit loser. I've had others say that I am "intimidating," so I tried softening my edges. And what did that get me? Treated like shit? I mean, I'm not gonna change it, but I'm just at a loss from here how to effectively advance what seems to be a necrotic part of my life.

As of January 1st, I also ceased all forms of online dating. I have no problem with the concept, and know plenty of people that have had success with it...but my patterns followed the same trajectory: cute latino boy --> message on whatever app/website --> exchange phone numbers --> send cute messages --> meet up --> communication ceases.

I mean, the essence of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting new results. But I also don't know how to have new results anymore.

So that's my dilemma. I know that I'll get over that guy sooner than later, but the overarching problem just seems impossible to solve...
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Old 01-19-2015, 07:34 PM   #2
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so.... first off, let me say this, YOU ARE AWESOME DONT YOU DARE CHANGE
especially for someone else to like you. FUCK that!
honey you are fabulous just the way you are, and if they dont love you for that, FUCK them!
toning down the temper is ALWAYS a good thing, but thats it...

in this instance, im sorry, i would have thrown a drink in his face. ASS! he deserved it!
you did nothing wrong. if that is the way he handles a LITTLE insecurity, then OMG honey, he's a waste if your precious time!!!!

now, where in the hell are you meeting these assholes? maybe thats the issue, wrong type congregate where you are meeting them....

take a breath.... shake it off... dont let it phase you, you are awesome ♥ ♥ ♥
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Old 01-20-2015, 07:51 PM   #3
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Thanks doll

He did text me yesterday. Middle of lecture, I let out a nice big old, "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"

My professor, "No Zach, I'm not." So I just deleted the text, drank a lot of wine, got a margarita with a friend, and woke up today and moved on.

I'm in the middle of exorcising demons...and unfortunately, the Universe took a steamy shitpile on me. Didn't stop me, just made me go, "Well that sucks."

And yes, I really regret NOT throwing a drink in his face. But then I would've wasted rum, and you know, it's just not worth it. His karma, not mine.
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Old 01-20-2015, 09:01 PM   #4
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made me think of you ♥ ♥


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Old 01-24-2015, 11:43 PM   #5
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He has ESP for when I'm having a horrible day.

Literally was working in that clusterfuck they call a hospital floor and all of a sudden I get a text, "Hi".

Yes, I just didn't respond to your one text the other day because I was abducted by aliens. And I had MIB brainwashing and I totally forgot it existed. And today I didn't respond because I was suffering from early onset Alzheimer's and was sundowning.

Next text I get I'm going to respond, "I'm not delirious, suffering from amnesia, or desperate. Bye felicia."
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Old 01-25-2015, 07:18 PM   #6
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wow what a piece of work
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