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Old 09-23-2013, 03:14 PM   #1
Sphinx
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Iwasthinking Dating Someone HIV Positive

So...wouldn't be Sphinx's life if things weren't absolutely unabashedly in chaos. I met a guy, went on an 8 hour date with him...bomb drops that he's HIV positive. It's undetectable (so that's my first question). What does that mean? He is undetectable at this point. Further, is it possible to even be safe? I understand the necessary precautions, but I also get that it's possible to transmit it via blood, etc. So my question is...what would be the extensive precautions? Because you know I'm going to take them.

Now, for everyone that's going to chastise me for my decision to even give this a whirl...just realize I'm processing, assessing, and figuring out what I want to do. I will not have sex with him until/if he becomes my boyfriend, and even then/if it happens I will basically be in bubble wrap. If I didn't think he was worth it, I wouldn't touch this with a thousand foot pole. I personally believe that just because he is HIV positive and told me on the first date that speaks more volumes about his character. Also, I'm not going to axe someone simply because they're positive. I'm not that judgmental and everyone deserves love. That and I spent 8 hours with him on a first date, so I learned a lot about him. For fucks sake, we discussed Nitzche. I would be lying to say I'm not absolutely to my core shaken and terrified, but...you never truly start living till you're scared shitless.

Oh, and, let's be honest. This is my life. If it wasn't totally crazy and unbelievably chaotic, I wouldn't be leading it.

***NOTE***

I put this here, because I wanted Joe's advice but I knew I would draw heat for my choice hence why I elaborated outside of asking for medical advice.
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Old 09-23-2013, 03:20 PM   #2
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I said my piece <3
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Old 09-23-2013, 03:23 PM   #3
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Wow, what a question. I don't know how to respond to it because I care about you too much. So I will leave this to Joe and the medical thing.
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Old 09-23-2013, 03:28 PM   #4
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I hate to use TV as reference...But the partnership between Michael and ?? Who was HIV+ on Queer As Folk was a beautiful thing.

It is a scary thought, but love speaks and if someone is worth it, it's worth fighting for.
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Old 09-23-2013, 03:28 PM   #5
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Isn't it? You should have seen me last night. Two shattered glasses and a pack of cigarettes. Thing is, I refuse to put myself at harm and/or risk if he isn't planning on being an integral part of my life for some time. If this has a shelf life of a month or two? I'm not sticking around. I plan on being very clear and honest with him, despite his repeated claims that I am taciturn. His exact words were, "You speak a lot and communicate very well, but about the important things you shut off and close down very quickly. Very taciturn."

And, for the record, there are ways around intimacy in the gay community outside of having sex. I repeatedly take them, because I wasn't going to give myself the chance of catching the HIV. And now here I am, running headlong into the situation.

My question is: how is it any different than choosing to continue to eat unhealthy despite your diabetes, morbid obesity, etc? We all make choices that are unhealthy, mine just might lead me to a very nasty place if I choose to continue to pursue this.
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Old 09-23-2013, 03:35 PM   #6
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If fear is what's going to keep me from potential love, then I don't deserve love in the first place.
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Old 09-23-2013, 03:38 PM   #7
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It's not Zack...and the care and treatment for HIV has improved to the point where they are testing possible cures.

I think you need to look in your heart and soul...there are going to be medical risks which is the reality of the situation...but if this is something real, ie - long shelf life - you could really regret that.

It sounds like you know your limits and you are not rushing into this. Think this out like you have been and trust every bone in your body. Your friends, family and everyone here will always been here to hold your hand.
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Old 09-23-2013, 03:55 PM   #8
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Oh my family will know nothing of this, until I am secure in it. That and I am not even remotely close to them, and I could hear their screaming from Cleveland here. No need to worry them until I figure out what this is.

I purposely got a little buzzed today to subdue my mind and find out what my heart says.

This very well could be the very biggest gamble of my life.
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Old 09-23-2013, 04:15 PM   #9
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Zach, I think as long as you take the proper precautions...this could be a really good thing for you. It actually gives you a way to become intimate with him on an intellectual level. Something that I personally think gives a relationship added boost. No matter what, this will help your heart decide. You're smart! You're in control! You've got this!

Even if this guy doesn't turn out to be the right guy, I'm confident that he is out there my friend! You've got a lot to offer. Don't doubt yourself so much!
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Old 09-23-2013, 04:18 PM   #10
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I personally feel like it would be a really terrible idea, but boy you is grown, and as long as you're a safe beautiful black woman at the end of the day, nothing else really matters.
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