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Old 01-08-2014, 01:38 PM   #1
Sphinx
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I'm falling apart over here and it's just getting worse with every passing day.

So, here's all the issues and I don't know how to handle them all - clearly, I'm on emotional overdrive, so I need a good smack back to reality before I make brash decisions like I normally do.

The first thing is this family war that my Mother (I refuse to call her Mom: See Below) has begun. I admit, I got involved because I was tired of seeing my Sister-in-law being disabused by my Dad's side of the family, but when they explained themselves I relented. My Mother, however, did not and sent one of the nastiest e-mails that I have ever read in my entire life. It puts anything I've ever said to shame, even. It was deplorable. My Dad called me saying that he can't "emotionally cope" with what was going on - This is Sunday by the way. Things continued to spiral until Monday, when I got a message from my Mother saying I needed to delete all my cousins off Facebook per my Dad's request. I refused, because I didn't last time she started a family war and I wouldn't this time. Subsequently, she and I went to war because I needed to go to the emergency room because I was having severe chest pain (Tuesday). She railed me saying that I do not have health insurance (Lie: I do, it's under her though). Naturally, I exploded back because who would tell their son that as they're experiencing (what I anticipated) as a serious healthcare concern? Things devolved between us to a standoff, with her claiming I owe them an exorbitant amount of money or she will cancel my cell phone service and health insurance (RE: I can't get health insurance yet, as I'm not full time).

As all this is going down, my Dad is readying the war machine of his own for the big final divorce. I can't say I blame him, in fact, I encouraged him to divorce her. I'm tired of them bickering and placing me in the middle of their wars. This, all, obviously has taken a back seat in lieu of the next bit.

My Grandpa is gonna die today(?) tomorrow (?) very soon. His apnea is for about a minute, but the death rattle hasn't begun yet. I woke up to a text message from my Mother in a group message to my brother and my sister-in-law asking one of them to go with her to the hospital, because she didn't want to go alone. Coward. My Dad would have been there anyway. Apparently, per my sister-in-law, my Mom walked into the room and started cracking jokes, talking loudly, and barely acknowledged my Grandpa's existence. As if you think her behavior didn't get much worse, she then stated that she would still be going to IKEA on Saturday and doing whatever she pleased on Sunday (the rumored dates for his service and funeral).

Now, my Dad has already asked me if I can come home for the funeral, which I'm gonna try. I have a sneaking suspicion that my Mother will thwart that plane ticket. Doubt my Dad will take it lying down and go behind her back.

My options:

First, I am going to hop off their plan without her knowledge and change my cell phone number so she loses access to me. Until she changes her ways, I want nothing to do with her. The toxicity, the vindictiveness, and the in general nasty bitch that she's become has pushed me to my breaking point. I can't deal with it anymore. I feel like if I were to see her at the moment, I would probably be a wanted criminal. That's how disgusted I am by her. So, if I do go home, I've decided to stay with a friend instead of at my parents house. I still don't know how I will handle her at the services or funeral, if she even goes. I don't know what to do about the health insurance; probably just have to go full-time as a CNA. Basically, she'll continue to use the two over me as financial leverage. And with the impending divorce, she will try anything to keep my brother and I closer to her than my Dad.

The only other option I have is to fall into line with what she wants, which is blind support. And if you think this is an option, you obviously think I'm capable of even doing that anymore.

Is there an option that I'm missing here? I'm so tired of these fights with her, I feel like she needs a wake up call and that's losing a son. Soon she'll have nobody.
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Last edited by Sphinx; 01-08-2014 at 01:53 PM.
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Old 01-08-2014, 06:36 PM   #2
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She is acting like a child not getting her way, not an adult.

Yes, you need to go fully dependent on yourself and not her anymore. No one at this point in your life should have anything to hold over your head, including your parents.

Is obamacare not up and running in the state you are in? I'm guessing you can get that really cheap based on your wages, especially if you aren't full time.

In the meantime, do all of the above and just stay out of the rest. Let your mom do what she needs to do. If she thinks this is what is going I make her feel better than whatever. Just go about your life. I wouldn't say you are cutting her off forever, she may snap out, but don't play in. It's negativity and you don't need that in your life.
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Old 01-08-2014, 07:34 PM   #3
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Old 01-09-2014, 10:45 AM   #4
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Yup. I totally agree. Become independent as quickly as possible, be true to yourself, and only cut people out of your life until they realize you won't reward bad behavior. (And maybe keep in mind that others often react badly around death and dying out of fear because they have to consider their own mortality.)

Our thoughts and prayers are with you, Zach. Try to live your own life and keep your sense of humor. You can always vent to us and we will listen, even if we can't help you with solutions.
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