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Old 09-23-2013, 05:33 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kinglucci View Post
and as long as you're a safe beautiful black woman at the end of the day, nothing else really matters.
I agree with this completely and whole-heartedly

But in all seriousness, get to know the guy, and make sure he deserves you (He'll have to be pretty close to perfect) before taking any risks, and if it comes to it take every precaution possible

#LoveAPersonForWhoTheyAreNotWhatTheyAre
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Old 09-23-2013, 05:40 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldbright View Post
I agree with this completely and whole-heartedly

But in all seriousness, get to know the guy, and make sure he deserves you (He'll have to be pretty close to perfect) before taking any risks, and if it comes to it take every precaution possible

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Yes Hunny YES! Basically what I tried to say but I'm not intelligent enough to form an actual sentence.

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Old 09-23-2013, 05:49 PM   #13
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Oh, trust me. When I said "not transient" I meant that this has potential for partnership. I wouldn't expose myself otherwise.
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Old 09-23-2013, 05:59 PM   #14
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Let me put it in these words, we were discussing philosophy for an hour and a half about the importance of language in life and Nietzche and other philosophers and dissecting arguments, for the first hour and a half of our date. He can stimulate me intellectually, which (putting it arrogantly) is almost impossible to do, physically, and there's that last element that I hold onto for dear life (emotional). I do protect that one like a mother bear over a cub. If he can somehow get that one, then...I'm willing to see where it can lead.

He's in general, from what I can tell, just an amazing person that unfortunately has a devastating affliction that can unfortunately be easily transmitted to me. This is why I asked Joe for his medical opinion, because I am obliquely aware of how HIV is transmitted and I want to have it in concrete stone what I can do, aside from the safest option: abstinence.
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Old 09-23-2013, 06:00 PM   #15
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*world's biggest hug*
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Old 09-23-2013, 06:50 PM   #16
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I am a mom and I got to know you well in our game and feel like I gained a long distance son and it scares the hell out of me thinking you could end up with something you do not want....however we have to let our children live their lives...I also know the heart wants what the heart wants...so if you decide to take the next step with him be careful.
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Old 09-23-2013, 07:04 PM   #17
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Ok. Wow. I don't know how to answer this.

Taken directly from the CDC:
Quote:
Only specific fluids (blood, semen, vaginal secretions, and breast milk) from an HIV-infected person can transmit HIV. These specific fluids must come in contact with a mucous membrane or damaged tissue or be directly injected into the blood-stream (from a needle or syringe) for transmission to possibly occur.
HIV is more commonly transmitted via anal or vaginal sex, sharing needles and LESS LIKELY (but still possible) via oral sex. Semen can transmit HIV. There are RARE cases of HIV transmission via "french" kissing, HOWEVER, it is also believed that the transmission in those instances were due to open sores on the gum and transmission via blood.

Ok, so "undetectable" is tricky. First of all, is this his term or has he been told by his healthcare provider. HIV is measured by what we call viral load - how much virus is in the bloodstream. The lower the viral load the less likely transmission can occur. However, let me emphasize that lower loads or "undetectable" does NOT mean it CANNOT be transmitted.

It looks like you are not the only person having this discussion. I think it is an important one.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tyler-...b_3332221.html

Here is another reference I think you should peruse and contemplate and let's chat further.

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pdf/prevention_art_factsheet.pdf




Now .... I will respond as a friend. I agree with those who have said that something like this should NOT define a person. Like we talked about last night, Zach, I really cannot be the person to suggest "dumping" or not dating this person simply because of his HIV status. That said, this is very tricky. I have to ask ... I know you had a good 8 hours but can you really feel so strongly and thinking long term already after 8 hours? I don't know. But I'm also not you and haven't met this person. Hmmm. I have to think more upon this.
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Old 09-23-2013, 08:52 PM   #18
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I understand about somebody who can stimulate you between the ears! It's your life, and you only get one shot at it for now. The quality of your life is most important. Even if everyone you know told you it was the wrong thing to do, you would still do whatever the hell you want, as you should.

Be safe, be careful and be informed.
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Old 09-23-2013, 09:54 PM   #19
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hmmmmm. well as much as I hate to say this you contracting HIV is not the only thing you would be thinking of here. Especially if you r looking at a long term relationship and future. You r really young and I imagine he's pretty young. You say undetectable and I realize that AIDS and HIV treatment and prognosis has advanced but aren't you opening yourself up to the possibility of a long term partner to pass really young? There is a lot of suffering involved. Yes, true, that should not determine who you end up loving but man it's scary Sphinx!! You know I love ya and care about you. Be prudent.
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Old 09-23-2013, 10:30 PM   #20
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Joe,

It's from his healthcare provider, not from him. We had a talk about it, and he told me that he's been tested and that his viral load is so low now that it's undetectable. I looked it up myself to corroborate his story and what he said. He took me to dinner tonight and we talked for a bit. It came up kind of in the offing, I learned that he obviously goes to his doctor quite a bit. Before anything ever happens, I'm gonna ask that I get to go with him at some point to make sure he's telling the truth. I don't trust. If you think I'm gonna play with fire and not have all the information possible, then you obviously don't know how I play with fire. Where is 'undetectable load' is at, obviously is a question I'll ask later.

As far as thinking long term, that's me setting conditions and personal boundaries up. That has absolutely nothing to do with what is between us. That is me simply setting parameters to keep my own behavior in check.

I guess what I'm failing to understand, is how is this any different from an unwanted pregnancy? Gonorrhea? Syphilis? Hep B? Polio? Lupus? The Bubonic plague? It is a disease. It is a nasty disease, but I'm not going to stop exploring what could be because I could potentially contract it IF it even leads to sex. This is pushing the cart in front of the horse.

Fact of the matter is, I live in the murder capital of the world. I could be shot and killed tomorrow, I could suddenly die in my sleep, I could just die for no reason other than the Universe says it's time. I am not going to live in fear of something, simply based on the unknown and the probability and chance that I could contract HIV. To quote Franklin Delanor Roosevelt, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

And as Shiny pointed out...I'm as hard headed as they come. I'm stubborn, hard to handle, and I take the most obscene paths in life. I don't know where this is gonna go, but I'm willing to see. And if at any point I start getting overwhelmed or I just don't wanna risk it? He knows that I will pull the plug. I already told him that.

I am legitimately terrified, but life I've found only truly begins when we're knee deep in hell with the fear of God in our eyes.
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