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Old 08-26-2014, 10:09 PM   #37
Sphinx
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I've got a fucking axe to grind today.

Men:

First of all, if you're going to ask me to go on a date with you. Please be advised I'm actually using my precious time as well to meet you, so when you're checking out other guys, mention eye candy, etc. chances are I am going to shut down faster than a Weight Watcher's in Dunkin Donuts. Second, if you are going to be on your phone the entire time on said date, why don't you just ask whomever you're talking to tag-along? Maybe I'd enjoy their time more than yours. And then when I get bored because you're beneath my existence, I can leave you with whomever you're with and I can go drink myself into the oblivion while google searching "Can cats scratch your eyes out?"

Friendships:

This isn't like ketchup and mustard: you don't apply it when you want and disregard when you don't. I get that you're so far up your boyfriend's asshole that you're deep mining his colon. Just remember: shit sells the same on the market if you fish it out of the toilet. It's a fruitless effort, but if your entire focus is your significant other, don't expect me to sit around fishing in the bayou waiting for you to rejoin me with an ice cold 24 pack. I've got stuff to do, like bleach my asshole, and rip my toe nails out one by one. Also, your boyfriend not texting you for two hours? That's the issue? You're gonna bitch about that? I'm not mother fucking Dr. Phil...but...you might wanna take a 15 minute breather before pounding out that next text and go, "Oh shit. There's a bigger problem."

Incompetency/Ineptitude:

Is there some secret fucking college that is churning these assholes out? A mother fucking secret society? I just don't understand how so many people are just so fucking inept and incompetent. And then they give me these doe fucking eyes when I'm getting ready to just ask, "Were you born this fucking stupid?" And then I'm forced to go watch some slasher movie, like Bride of Chucky, just to make myself feel better. Like I have come to expect where stupidity congregates, but if I have one more customer service representative basically ask for me to open a gate to Hell - I probably will.

In conclusion...

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Que Sera, Sera

Last edited by Sphinx; 08-26-2014 at 10:13 PM.
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